Right Now - Korn
I'm feeling mean today
Not lost, not blown away
Just irritated and quite hated
Till control breaks down
Why's everything so tame
I like my life insane
I'm fabricating and defeating you
I'm gonna kick around
Right now
Can't find a way
To get across the hate
When I see you
Right now
I'm feeling strange inside
I want to search and I feel you
Right now
I rip apart the things inside
That live beside you
Right now
I can't control myself
I fucking hate you
I'm feeling cold today
Not hurt just fucked away
I'm devasted and frustrated
God I feel so bound
So why I'd feel the need
I think it's time to bleed
I'm gonna cut myself
Watch the blood hit the ground
You open your mouth again
I swear I'm gonna break it
You open your mouth again
Oh god I cannot take it
Shut up, shut up, shut up, or I'll fuck you up
I fuckin' hate you
---
This is exactly how I feel now.
Aiya shit I'm hardly writing in my diary nowadays. Getting lazy so quickly. Shit! It's the dota I tell you. I dota until so late then no time to write.
Dota is evil.
Oh well.
Anyway, today is Good Friday! And Good Friday means... holiday! haha. Going church in the morning then going town after that makes me feel like it's a Sunday. Anyway, was trying to get the S72 guys to go out today but it seems everyone has got something on. Oh well, no matter. I met up with my wushu buds instead. Went shopping! Ok at least I did. I spent soooo much on like, 2 pieces of clothing. Crap man. Cannot liddat. Haiz. But anyway, then we went to crash Lan's hot date. Then we just walked around and looked at stuff and just talked alot of funny shit. Haha.... miss these times together la.
ooo going out with S72 to K-Box! tomorrow.... don't really feel like going haha. But I remember that's what I felt during our first K-Box outing also so I must persevere with the thought that I will enjoy myself.
ok... back to dota....
Aiya, so sian. Guess another period of my life has just ended.
A very fun period of my life called "the first 3 months in JC".
I guess it didn't start of very well. I came into class not knowing anyone. Sigh. Ok besides Zhou Hao who was my OBS mate who I hardly talked to also haha. I admit, I thought my class sucked. I had the feel that I was once again back in horrid old chinese high cos familiar faces were jsut around every corner. From the moment I stepped in, and I guess before that too, I had already regretted my choice to come to HC. Yup, for various reasons I wanted to go RJ. I guess I really seeked a different environment where I could start anew and meet different people. Not cheena freaks. (yes that's really the reason) =) and up till now, I'm still regretting the choices that I've made at every chance I get.
I suppose life is really just full of decision, each with pros and cons. Now that I've chosen HC, I guess I should really learn to try and live with it. Indeed, I'm now convincing myself to look at the brighter side of things instead of various 'what ifs'. I guess doing so would just make your life all that more depressing. And that really sucks. So, I have to look on the bright side!
I suppose if I had to come up with an answer to my favourite corner in HC it would no doubt be our rickety little class bench. It's this small, heavyliy vandalised piece of wood that I've spent much of my afternoons since entering JC. Yup I don't deny I'm a huge slacker, and so since day 1 I've hated to go back home (nah I don't have family problems. just very sick of home). Don't ask me why cos I don't really know. I suppose its cos I enjoy the company of the many great friends I've made.
Yup. I've made many great great pals in S72. People I can share my thoughts with, my problems, my slack factor, my likes and... dislikes. Yeah, people who are really open and honest. I guess that's why I got so worked up over the deteriorating class spirit. I felt cheated. Errr.... something like how a close friend suddenly comes up, kicks your dog and disappears. Argh hat the heck. Yeah. But I must say I really enjoy the company of the friends that I've made here. And I'll admit that you guys have played a big part in some of my big decision. I guess I should look at the big picture more often.
To all those people that are leaving the class, I believe that you guys will be dearly missed by everyone. We've spent many fun times together, and though I may not have spoken much to some of you, each one of you have definitely contributed to making of 05S72. I sincerely wish you guys all the best wherever you are and in whatever you do. Know that our class bench would always welcome you guys.
Special mention to the RV guys. You guys are definitely one-of-a-kind. Aaron, I'll definitely miss the chances where we can talk about DOTA during lectures haha. And all your stupid comments really just make me break out into laughter. You're really a goldmine of useless information (like expanding chicken asses wtf?! haha). Despite you weird seeming exterior, it's not difficult to see your towering intellect. Jeffrey! I really admire your prioritisation of your life. And the many interesting life experiences that you've shared with us have definitely entertaining and provoked our minds. Indeed you have thought me to think more maturely and I'll remember those time we've had together. Really looking forward to your mah jong club haha. And all the best with Ting and Ling haha. ;)
I'll really remember you guys for the rest of my life.
Hmm... there dosen't seem to be any coherence to this entry of mine. :S
Anyway, I'm definitely looking forward to meeting the new intakers on Monday (hopefully?). Can only hope that they are nice people ya. Then again, I must remember that I didn't think S72 was nice in the first place too haha.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Haha.... ok... I've thought through and discovered the true nature of my dilemma. haha.
I suppose it's a little too late to change anyway. So I'll stick to being hum ji.
I guess I can tolerate. I hope.
Haha kae anyway I suppose in the end she was right again. I was foolish to think our hyped up class spirit would last. Now that the mugging is settling in, everything's going away again.
Ah well, stupid me, yet again.
I don't see any salvation to this pitiful crap.
Okae, a few days ago, I was trying my best to convince Jeffery to retain the BCME combi to stay in class. Now, things have changed so much.
Haha. I really can't stand this.
I'm seriously considering triple science now...
If you want some convincing, you could go visit Jeffery's blog haha. He's saying physics is easier to score than econs. Is this true? Honestly, I don't really know. I'm hearing all my seniors complaining left and right how much physics sucks. But I don't really know how they would fare if they take econs so I can't come to any conclusion.
Right now, the things that are holding me back are probably my friends. The great pals and buddies I've made in S72 over the past 3 months. Granted, I can't say all the people I've made friends with have really made a deep impact on my life, but I can honestly say there have been some few who have really made a difference. I think you guys are a really great bunch and I'm afraid I may not meet others like you again in another class. I guess school is really meant to be an instituition for education. But is that really all there is to it? Just study hard, do well, and get good grades at the end of 2 years? I don't know... Or is it a place where you can make great lifelong friends... and have a great time?
If choosing according to subject combi, I don't think I would really give a damn. I've got a vague idea of what I plan to do in the future and they really don't come with any prerequisites. In fact I could just run off to Arts (and I have thought about THAT actually haha), and it dosen't really matter to me. So, BCME or trip science is all the same to me.
But hearing that physics might actually be easier to score than econs really get me thinking... what's more important to me? Grades? Or friends? haha... alot of j1s (I heard) have been saying physics is the easiest of the 3 sciences. Though I believe this is probably just the beginning, content on Jeff's blog has convinced me otherwise. And I can't really say I have any preferences here either anyway. I think physics sucks. But I'm not liking econs in any way either anywae.
Hmmm... and now even Aaron has decided to leave the class... haiz... yes... AARON. Jeff and aaron leaving... what can I say... In the first week, the chinese high group of us really intented to start ostracizing them haha. They always join thier own rv gang and disappear off somewhere. Haiz... now I really think the class' err... happiness factor?... would just die off. I won't say class spirit *ahem* but I'll just say the mood of the class. Who can deny that they are the class clowns? They are really a one-of-a-kind duo. It's rare to meet people who would dare to do whatever they feel like doing and not give a damn about what other people think. And I really admire Jeffery who has his priorities laid out properly. I suppose it comes with being an eldest child, but still, you can't deny has that extra touch. haha.
What does that leave me? haha. Hmmmmmmmmmm... You know I'm actually quite a hum ji person so I think that maybe, ultimately, I'll just stay, cos I'm afraid to come out of my comfort zone which I have slowly built up in S72. But really, is that what is best for me?
I think it's time to get my priorities laid out.
In the end, after all this is over, I garuantee that some time in my next 2 years, I would be looking back and regretting the decision that I'm going to make tomorrow. It'll either be "Damn I should have taken physics!" or "Wah lan eh physics suxXX! I should have just stayed with SM in econs..." So.... which choice would I regret more?
I hate this.
And once again, a quote that has always been so applicable to my daily life,
"You cannot sedate all the things you hate" - Marilyn Manson, Dogma.
Indeed, nothing in life is ever perfect.
I'll just have to try to make it less imperfect I guess.
Haiz you know after reading some of my friend's blogs and all, I really feel like my last post was so ungrateful.
There they are talking about how they appreciate their new found friends and here I am sulking about how I want a change.
I guess every decision comes with its pros and cons. Since I've made my choice to stay I might as well try to savour some of the good stuff I'm getting out of it.
Ah well... Glad to have made the many friends that I have in S72. Though the situation is obviously getting sour here, I hope things would improve for a nicer school environment.
Ok, now that that's done, I suppose I should START doing some work...
[Tag]!
[Me]!
Kev;kcwl;kc
[b/-\i].
hpps;tchs;hci
things i love...
05s72!
wushu!
marilynmanson;korn;slipknot;robzombie
gunsnroses;fiveforfighting;cranberries;eagles
eddings;jkrowling;jrrtolkein
dota;wc3;d2
amoeba
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